Energy, Ego, Shadow
Ego is usually just overdressed insecurities — Quincy Jones
I had to step away, turn off the world and shelter within my soul where spirits speak of healing. I sit here eyes heavy with tears that won’t fall, a sadness that I’m not even sure is mine. Weighed down by emotions that invade my mind with memories of loss. I am a warrior amid a battle of ego and shadow.
I’ve recently had to have a long look at my ego and its triggers which is a huge step for me on a path of healing. I’ve spent so many years living with the idea that the emotional pain I’ve lived with most of my life defined who I am. Then one day, I realized it doesn’t.
Pain only let’s me know that some part of me still needs to be healed. It is a reminder that I’m too focused on ego and not my higher self. It’s also a reminder that my shadow self still has many lessons to teach me. As I try to move forward and build relationships with others, I realize that each day I am still trying to rebuild a relationship with myself.
It’s a hard realization to face, as I learn to accept my place and step into my role as a healer, I also have to unlearn all the ideas that have been drilled into my subconscious by society, family, friends, lovers, and even myself. I look back on the moments in my life that left me crumbled in a corner begging for death to take me. Though for many it may seem macabre to look back on these moments of darkness, I understand that it was within these moments that my higher self stepped in. It is some time in stepping back that we see the steps taken to move forward.
Besides, death has never been something I’ve feared. If you’ve read my poetry, you’ll know that death has been an old friend, a confidant, and perhaps at times a lover. This past year has shown many the face of death, and in tarot, Death is looked at as it is in life, something to fear. I fear not death, for death is nothing but a metamorphosis of life, transition that comes to all living beings. It is a transmutation of energy, of being, of Ki. Therefore, energy is not something that ever ceases to exist.
Yet we, as humans fear the idea of not existing. My friend told me recently that he feared not having energy more than he feared death, but if we are made up of energy and energy is ever changing, then one can never truly…
